How to Stop Being Insecure
(Hint: Use Insecurity as Motivation - As Best You Can)
This is the 10th installment among our Success Principles - but by no means less significant than any other concept.
In fact, this principle is probably something that we all can relate to quite well.
(this is technically a self-improvement site, right?)
Ready for some theory?
I don't go there too often.
The Mainstream is Wrong Again
(Why Insecurity is Your Best Friend)
We've all heard the parroted, shortsighted, never-questioned, single-brain-cell mantra of just about every mainstream personal improvement authority -
Don't be insecure!
(never with any applicable advice for how to do so)
(never with any applicable advice for how to do so)
That comes from insecurity!
(recognizing a problem is not the same as fixing it)
The general advice is to avoid, pretend otherwise and/or live in denial of whatever insecurities you may have.
This is called and marketed as "accepting yourself".
This sits quite well with the average, normal, not-so-special-like-his-mom-said-he-was-originally person.
But the fact of the matter is -
Insecurity can be harvested, extracted and turned into 100% potent, organic motivation.
Insecurity (and fear) is a very powerful motivator and it doesn't get enough credit.
My suggestion is to embrace insecurity and use it for fuel.
Knowing that -
One day, the resource will be exhausted and you will have to turn to some other emotion (usually pure enjoyment/fun) for a primary motivator.
I'm probably not telling you something that you don't already know, but I want to make you conscious that if you are -
+ and you know it
+ and you admit it
+ and you are actively trying to change that VIA DAILY ACTION (not denial or distraction)
= you are absolutely on the right track.
Use your deepest insecurities to your advantage.
Unfortunately for you -
Insecurity doesn't last forever. It has a shelf-life.
Use it to your advantage while it lasts.
Security is a lot more pleasant but it doesn't get you up in the morning.
Success to Security Timeline
It is also important to realize that RESULTS COME WAY BEFORE SECURITY.
Often, security is the VERY LAST reward.
It works like this -
- You are insecure about something.
(lets say - your body, you are over/underweight)
- You vow to do something about it rather than "accepting" yourself like an eHow content writer suggests.
- You gather some basic information on diet and training.
- You follow that diet and training for several months.
- You begin to get positive feedback from other humans/animals - they tell you that you are looking good.
- You don't believe them.
- You continue to follow that diet and training for several months and you begin to ACTUALLY START LOOKING REALLY GOOD.
- You continue to get positive feedback from other humans/animals - they tell you that you are looking really good.
(You are looking really good)
- You still don't believe them.
- Somewhere along the way, something/somebody convinces you that you might ACTUALLY LOOK REALLY GOOD and you start to entertain the idea that it might be the case.
Some of your insecurity goes away at that point, long after you actually achieved your goal or saw results.
This hypothetical spells out the timeline of success to security.
Success arrives MUCH EARLIER.
Security is almost always late to the party.
Success is when you can do something.
(or you have achieved something)
Security is when you actually believe it.
If you have been achieving success (aka small goals with deadlines) at whatever you are dedicating yourself to and wonder why you aren't yet feeling like a different person - you are right on schedule.
Results precede security.
Take a look at your life - there will be numerous examples of this.
If you felt totally secure about something you've never done or something you've never accomplished, you would be either -
- a liar/in denial
- a fucking idiot
The average person is quite insecure.
They spend their time trying to conceal it rather than facing it HEAD ON.
Don't be that guy.
Make Your Biggest Weakness Your Biggest Strength
An extension to this concept is actually something from the mainstream that is pretty legit.
The idea is to work toward MAKING YOUR BIGGEST WEAKNESS (or largest insecurity) YOUR BIGGEST STRENGTH.
(there are genetic limitations that might get in the way, but the concept is more for focus than pure achievement)
Most of our self-improvement theory rests around trying to "MAX OUT" your fundamentals/qualities as a male, but acknowledging that being "above-average" at most of them will also place you in the Top 10% as an Elite male.
Better than 9 of 10 guys.
Remember - it doesn't take that much to get there.
The average guy is REALLY AVERAGE.
For example -
The fundamentals we most often reference for an Elite sex life are -
- Looks (sex appeal)
- Style (sex appeal)
- Social Freedom (includes Killer Instinct/Game)
- Swag Factor (Social Skills/Social Status)
- Confidence (includes Experience and Sense of Entitlement)
Whichever is your biggest weakness (or insecurity) should be the one that you focus on the most.
It may never become your biggest strength but that's hardly the point.
If you can get to an 'above-average' level (success) and start to believe it (security), you should be fine.
That's how I approached life in my 20's and it is working out great.
Some Final Thoughts...
Insecurity isn't something that should be avoided, denied or totally concealed.
It should be embraced for exactly what it is -
A temporary state [of motivation].
Insecurity is a powerful emotion that can carry you through the initial stages far beyond sheer "lets do this!" motivation alone.
It doesn't last forever.
Celebrity Side Notes
Insecurity is often the initial motivator among the world's most successful people -
Mark Zuckerberg admits to starting Facebook in hopes of defeating sexual insecurity and impress a girl that he liked.
(as portrayed in 'The Social Network')
Mike Tyson became obsessed with learning how to box, in hopes of defending himself against bullies.
Matt Leinart tried to better himself through football to escape bullying, in hopes of one day being accepted.
Christina Aguilera also experienced a great deal of bullying, and turned to music in hopes of being popular.
There are countless others that sought perfection from initial insecurity and became wildly successful.
Some of them faced their demons HEAD ON, but others simply took the leap of faith that achieving their goals would produce dividends and future security.