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How to Build Self-Esteem (My Advice For Guys With Low Self-Esteem)

How to Build Your Self Esteem & Why Self-Esteem Is Overrated
(and Why You Need to Stop Worrying About It)

There's a special type of insecure guy out there.

He is destined for success but isn't sure if he really is.

He might be you.

He was me.

He has below-average self-esteem.
He is less secure than he should be.
He has an inferiority complex.
He has a chip on his shoulder.
He quietly compares himself to his friends.
He beats himself up too much. 

He knows he has these emotional issues and does his best to hide it, usually successfully.

Around normal people, he appears normal, he's just one of the guys.

But not quite.

Quietly behind the scenes, he is obsessed with his future and has a relentless work ethic to compensate for his perceived shortcomings.

He doesn't even know why he is so obsessed.

He just considers himself to be ambitious and a hard worker.

Day after day, month after month, he just keeps working, not always clear what his goal actually is and quits plenty of projects that he thought he was passionate about.

He just wants to win at life. 

Some way. Somehow.

He's determined to make it. 

He wants financial freedom, women and simply to feel good about himself.

He just keeps working, trying to make his life work.

If this is you (it was me) - 

DON'T CHANGE ANYTHING.

You are on the right track.

"How to Build Self-Esteem (My Advice to Guys With Low Self-Esteem)"
(Video contains content that isn't in the post, and vice-versa)

The Self-Esteem Success Myth

Self-improvement, in its many different forms, focuses on overcoming your insecurities in order to build your self-esteem.

The theory is -

If you can beat your insecurities, then you will build your self-esteem.

This new empowerment (self-esteem) will allow you to become successful.

If only you can beat your insecurities - then you will have it made!

Makes sense, right? 

The true masters of every craft have unbreakable confidence, they have the "it factor". After all - that is how they got there.

Not exactly.

In fact, the complete opposite may be true. 

Tucked away on the Internet (on communities such as this), far away from the useless mainstream "Be Confident!", "Never Be Insecure!" and "Believe in Yourself!" advice, is the theory that insecure people with low esteem end up becoming more successful. At least far more successful than the average person.

They simply care more about winning.

They simply try harder and are willing to torture themselves to figure out their life.

Insecure people, the special type, have a stronger work ethic and it eventually starts to pay dividends.

While there are plenty of examples of insecure people with low self-esteem who are lazy and always bitching about why they can't get ahead, there's just as many "secure" people that are far too comfortable and never really do anything with their life.

There's been studies on this, but I prefer to simply look at myself.

I had below-average self-esteem and was deeply insecure in my early 20's.

Out of sheer insecurity, whether I knew it or not, I spent the majority of my 20's "working on myself" in some form or another.

Progress was slow, I rarely saw immediate returns and I considered myself an underachiever every step of the way.  

It wasn't until age 26 that things started to come together and began to make a little bit of sense. 

There was nothing magical that happened at age 26 though, other than all my "preparation" began to slowly manifest itself.

First came the success, then the self-esteem.
(that's how it works)

From age 26-29, it was with women.

I moved across the country and finally got out of my shell. All those hours in the gym and tugging on my dick in my early 20's certainly helped.

From age 30-33+, it is helping guys in their 20's and 30's and getting paid for it.

I put 50 to 100 hours into 12,000 word posts such as "28 Things I Really Wish I Did (Or Didn't Do) In My 20's" and have started 4 (soon, 5) different successful profitable businesses in about 3 years.  

It's all because I had below-average self-esteem and did my best to compensate (or cope) by working on myself in my 20's.

I figured it out.  

You will figure it out too.

DON'T CHANGE ANYTHING.

self esteem banner

Pour Conclure

The point is -

While low self-esteem and insecurity isn't a "good" thing, it's definitely not as bad as everyone makes it out to be.

It's all about what you do with it.

Low self-esteem and insecurity can be your best friend and make you a winner someday.

Or it can tear you apart and keep you a loser.

The cure for low self-esteem and insecurity is SUCCESS and not convincing yourself otherwise (also known as "accepting yourself").

If you have low self-esteem or if you are insecure - don't worry about it.

YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO WORRY ABOUT IT.

Stop with the self-reflection and looking for deeper meaning in why things are the way they are.
(I used to be incredibly introspective in my early 20's, that was a HUGE problem)

You need to be working. 

Work.

Work some more.

As many hours as you can.

7 days a week.

The reward is -

You'll figure it out.

This isn't a "motivation" post.

It's a how-to post.

This is how guys become millionaires in their early 30's.

This is how guys win in the end.

IF THIS IS YOU - DON'T CHANGE ANYTHING.

In reality, chances are, you probably don't have much worse self-esteem than the average guy, you just think you do because you care more about your future.

You've convinced yourself that you have self-esteem problems.

Good.

Use your low-self esteem and insecurities to WORK.

The self-esteem, emotional security and indifference will come.

UNTIL THEN - DON'T CHANGE ANYTHING. 

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Comments (82)

  1. mfre

This description is SO relatable to me. Especially the "chip on his shoulder" and "normal around other guys". Minus the work ethic. The main thing I take away from this is to keep working. Stay in there no matter what. Thanks for posting this!

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  1. Good Looking Loser    mfre

Work Ethic is more important than self-esteem

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  1. MIG    Good Looking Loser

In a nutshell:


high self esteem = work ethic, discipline, self-respect (knowing your weaknesses and admitting them)

low self esteem = scattered focus, procrastinating, no self-respect (hide your weaknesses, being dishonest to yourself)


Only...

In a nutshell:


high self esteem = work ethic, discipline, self-respect (knowing your weaknesses and admitting them)

low self esteem = scattered focus, procrastinating, no self-respect (hide your weaknesses, being dishonest to yourself)


Only strong (high self esteem) individuals can openly admit their weak points.


"If your goal is to be successful, put the self esteem aside and be successful."

Wow I love that qoute at the end of the video. It's really simple as that but most people don
't realize it. They think they need high self-esteem to become successful - that is wrong, high self-esteem comes from being active and working towards a goal/vision. Most successful people started at the bottom and climbed to the top through sheer work ethic. I think most people only see the success part and that's why they identify successful people with high self esteem ... they haven't seen the rejections, the setbacks, the doubts, the insecurities (low self-esteem) in the beginning.
They think only high self-esteem people become successful and that's why they don't dare to try.


It's always a pleasure watching your videos. It inspires me to think.

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  1. yomama

Great post man!!!

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  1. sickk

GLL we want more content/goods!!! Come on keep up!!!

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  1. Good Looking Loser    sickk

I will, I've been too damn busy recently (more on that soon), more busy than I want.

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  1. 9times

Wow.....here I thought working 60 hrs a week was hard. But 100????????? U a machine mannnnnn

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  1. Good Looking Loser    9times

100 hours on a blog post, over 2, even 3 weeks. not necessarily 1.

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  1. playtowin

Hi goodlookingloser. I sometimes wonder if I will make it big one day. All my life I was bullied for being super into building stuff. Maybe thats why I got into bodybuilding too?? Who knows. Still young (20) and in uni and hopefully it all pays...

Hi goodlookingloser. I sometimes wonder if I will make it big one day. All my life I was bullied for being super into building stuff. Maybe thats why I got into bodybuilding too?? Who knows. Still young (20) and in uni and hopefully it all pays out at the end.

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  1. Good Looking Loser    playtowin

It's not a bad reason to get into bodybuilding, even if it's considered "insecurity" by the average shmuck.

You want to be stronger than 90% of guys for a number of reasons.

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  1. GAME

Sup Good Looking Loser. What do you think is a guy's prime? My older brother tells me 26-33 but I just want your opinion. Thanks mkay.

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  1. Good Looking Loser    GAME

With women?
I felt it was 26-33.

But it's more like 29-36

In life/business?
After age 35+ for most.

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  Comment was last edited about 1 year ago by Good Looking Loser Good Looking Loser
  1. Florian    Good Looking Loser

With Good Looking Loser's skin care guide the "with women" part can be 50+ ;-)

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  1. Good Looking Loser    Florian

Hopefully! We'll see.

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  1. guwopjames

Would not b surprised if guys like MJ and Gucci had insecurities before they got big. now they dont give a fuk. guwop guwop

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  1. sofresh

This post makes me want to kick sum ass who-rah

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  1. Anon

Before you record another video, get pop filter. The audio on that video is terrible.

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  1. Good Looking Loser    Anon

have one, forgot to use it, I didnt think the audio was that bad though

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  1. John    Good Looking Loser

I agree with you, Chris. I think the audio is fine.

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  1. Adrian

Chris with every new post of your seems it seems more and more that I am living the life you lived. I definitely have a massive chip on my shoulder about my lack of experience with girls, in spite of me being far ahead in every other facet of my...

Chris with every new post of your seems it seems more and more that I am living the life you lived. I definitely have a massive chip on my shoulder about my lack of experience with girls, in spite of me being far ahead in every other facet of my life. I over analyze, I'm too introspective, prideful, and hard on myself. Thank you for these posts, they are keeping me in the game. Look good, talk to girls, I'm desperately trying to keep it simple and make progress. Thanks for this wisdom man.

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  1. Good Looking Loser    Adrian

I was way too introspective in my 20's and it was one of the main reasons I was an underachiever for so long.

Thanks for writing in.

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