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How to Build Self-Esteem (My Advice For Guys With Low Self-Esteem)

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How to Build Your Self Esteem & Why Self-Esteem Is Overrated
(and Why You Need to Stop Worrying About It)

There's a special type of insecure guy out there.

He is destined for success but isn't sure if he really is.

He might be you.

He was me.

He has below-average self-esteem.
He is less secure than he should be.
He has an inferiority complex.
He has a chip on his shoulder.
He quietly compares himself to his friends.
He beats himself up too much. 

He knows he has these emotional issues and does his best to hide it, usually successfully.

Around normal people, he appears normal, he's just one of the guys.

But not quite.

Quietly behind the scenes, he is obsessed with his future and has a relentless work ethic to compensate for his perceived shortcomings.

He doesn't even know why he is so obsessed.

He just considers himself to be ambitious and a hard worker.

Day after day, month after month, he just keeps working, not always clear what his goal actually is and quits plenty of projects that he thought he was passionate about.

He just wants to win at life. 

Some way. Somehow.

He's determined to make it. 

He wants financial freedom, women and simply to feel good about himself.

He just keeps working, trying to make his life work.

If this is you (it was me) - 


You are on the right track.

"How to Build Self-Esteem (My Advice to Guys With Low Self-Esteem)"
(Video contains content that isn't in the post, and vice-versa)

The Self-Esteem Success Myth

Self-improvement, in its many different forms, focuses on overcoming your insecurities in order to build your self-esteem.

The theory is -

If you can beat your insecurities, then you will build your self-esteem.

This new empowerment (self-esteem) will allow you to become successful.

If only you can beat your insecurities - then you will have it made!

Makes sense, right? 

The true masters of every craft have unbreakable confidence, they have the "it factor". After all - that is how they got there.

Not exactly.

In fact, the complete opposite may be true. 

Tucked away on the Internet (on communities such as this), far away from the useless mainstream "Be Confident!", "Never Be Insecure!" and "Believe in Yourself!" advice, is the theory that insecure people with low esteem end up becoming more successful. At least far more successful than the average person.

They simply care more about winning.

They simply try harder and are willing to torture themselves to figure out their life.

Insecure people, the special type, have a stronger work ethic and it eventually starts to pay dividends.

While there are plenty of examples of insecure people with low self-esteem who are lazy and always bitching about why they can't get ahead, there's just as many "secure" people that are far too comfortable and never really do anything with their life.

There's been studies on this, but I prefer to simply look at myself.

I had below-average self-esteem and was deeply insecure in my early 20's.

Out of sheer insecurity, whether I knew it or not, I spent the majority of my 20's "working on myself" in some form or another.

Progress was slow, I rarely saw immediate returns and I considered myself an underachiever every step of the way.  

It wasn't until age 26 that things started to come together and began to make a little bit of sense. 

There was nothing magical that happened at age 26 though, other than all my "preparation" began to slowly manifest itself.

First came the success, then the self-esteem.
(that's how it works)

From age 26-29, it was with women.

I moved across the country and finally got out of my shell. All those hours in the gym and tugging on my dick in my early 20's certainly helped.

From age 30-33+, it is helping guys in their 20's and 30's and getting paid for it.

I put 50 to 100 hours into 12,000 word posts such as "28 Things I Really Wish I Did (Or Didn't Do) In My 20's" and have started 4 (soon, 5) different successful profitable businesses in about 3 years.  

It's all because I had below-average self-esteem and did my best to compensate (or cope) by working on myself in my 20's.

I figured it out.  

You will figure it out too.


self esteem banner

Pour Conclure

The point is -

While low self-esteem and insecurity isn't a "good" thing, it's definitely not as bad as everyone makes it out to be.

It's all about what you do with it.

Low self-esteem and insecurity can be your best friend and make you a winner someday.

Or it can tear you apart and keep you a loser.

The cure for low self-esteem and insecurity is SUCCESS and not convincing yourself otherwise (also known as "accepting yourself").

If you have low self-esteem or if you are insecure - don't worry about it.


Stop with the self-reflection and looking for deeper meaning in why things are the way they are.
(I used to be incredibly introspective in my early 20's, that was a HUGE problem)

You need to be working. 


Work some more.

As many hours as you can.

7 days a week.

The reward is -

You'll figure it out.

This isn't a "motivation" post.

It's a how-to post.

This is how guys become millionaires in their early 30's.

This is how guys win in the end.


In reality, chances are, you probably don't have much worse self-esteem than the average guy, you just think you do because you care more about your future.

You've convinced yourself that you have self-esteem problems.


Use your low-self esteem and insecurities to WORK.

The self-esteem, emotional security and indifference will come.


Hi, Chris from Good Looking Loser. "Get a Life" is our safe for work, non-adult site that features lifestyle, health/fitness and style information. Feel free to leave a comment!

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  • Interesting angle. I've never heard this before. It makes sense though. Confidence is basically the mental follow-through on anything you pursue in life.

    How has success personally changed your confidence levels?

    Good stuff man keep writing!

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  • Zeus

    1 of the best reads on self-esteem is Nathaniel Branden's six pillars of self-esteem

    "Some years ago, in my group therapy room, we hung on a wall a number of sayings that I often found useful in the course of my work. A client made me a gift of several of these sayings done in needlepoint, each with its own frame. One of these was 'It isn't what they think, it's what you know.' Another was 'No one is coming.'

    One day a group member with a sense of humor challenged me about 'No one is coming.'

    'Nathaniel, it's not true,' he said. 'You came.' 'Correct,' I admitted, 'but I came to say that no one is coming' " -lesson: this life of yours is 100% your responsibility.

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  • clatter punk

    Even if we don't admit it we all have insecurities. We get insecured for petty things that lead us to thinking how miserable our lives are. If we beat our insecurities doesn't mean we beat low self esteem. It will only show how mature we are and how we appreciate what we have. I think the secret to success is being happy with what you have and not comparing yourself to others. If we feed our greed then we cannot be happy because greed has no limit. Well thats just my thoughts on the corelation of self esteem, insecurities, and success.

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  • Pretzel

    This site in a nutshell:

    -work hard
    -boobs again

    Haha! Glad to be on board!

    0 Short URL: Reply
  • agent choco

    Hi! Broke college student here.,was wondering what jobs will I pick to not just earn money, but also score some hotties and expanding my network of friends., there's a coffeeshop and retail store a few blocks from my dorm., did you work part-time during college?

    0 Short URL: Reply
  • Nashville

    GLL my man..! Much of what you talk here are your past experiences: girls,gym,drugs,college,parties,etc.. now that you are 33 what do you do for fun? are you happily married and have kids now? are you still pickin' girls from time to time? do you still party that much?what are your goals now that you havr already pulled off a good stunt in your younger age from a douchebags perspectives?

    0 Short URL: Reply
  • Hey Nashville -

    Neither. Not married, but not picking up girls. All business, Im in a committed relationship though.

    0 Short URL: Reply
  • Gray

    "Stop with the self-reflection and looking for deeper meaning in why things are the way they are."

    life is too short to worry soo much. Just because im not worrying too much doesnt i care less. Sometimes its better to not give a fuck and let luck take over.

    0 Short URL: Reply
  • Jigzzz

    Teacher, sensei, guru, you name it. Lead me to unveil my full potential and all the pussybitilies!

    0 Short URL: Reply
  • Macky

    Hey gll, thanks for sharing your thoughts and insights. However i was more intrugied with your businesses. I assume you are a full time blogger and can pretty much live comfortably wih the income from it. Corrct me if im wrong though. Aside from ad sense and affiliate marketing, what are the other money making streams from making a blog? Im planning to start my own business and is hoping it would turn out to be stable so id quit my job and go full time.

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  • Hey Dude-
    there will be a post on this in the next 24-48hrs.

    0 Short URL: Reply
  • Likewise

    Hey Chris,

    Out of topic, just wanna ask you about muscle building. I've been pumping iron for about 6 months now but I cant see much progress. I look lean but I wanna build more muscles. If diet is the problem then what food group should I focus. And do you have a recommended routine for me to try out? I can do intermediate exercises with no problem.

    Many thanks,

    0 Short URL: Reply
  • It's not the routine, so long as you are sore the following day. Post your diet in the forum and we'll go through it.

    It's NOT the routine.

    0 Short URL: Reply
  • Zero

    Hey Chris,

    Out of topic, just wanna ask you about muscle building. I've been pumping iron for about 6 months now but I cant see much progress. I look lean but I wanna build more muscles. If diet is the problem then what food group should I focus. And do you have a recommended routine for me to try out? I can do intermediate exercises with no problem.

    Many thanks,

    0 Short URL: Reply
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